Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
