And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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