How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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