hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
