I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my liver is dry heaving
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