Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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