Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
