its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
