we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
