Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
