I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
