so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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