That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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