I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
