mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
