Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just cut my nipple shaving
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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