Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize