just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize