First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
