I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
