Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
