You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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