so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
