Welp...herpes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize