mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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