so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
