; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
