I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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