if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
