why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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