you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
