you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
