I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
