sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
