I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
