I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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