in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
