Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
