You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
