My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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