I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
