Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
