Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He? As in you personified your dick?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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