I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
