we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
