Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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