how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
