he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She bit a glass in half.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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