don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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