how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
