I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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