and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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