theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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