Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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