life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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