It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
