omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
