based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
