can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
