I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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