I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
