i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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