Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
