K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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