There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
