He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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