It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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