Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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