I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
