I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
