yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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