So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
