He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
