She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
