Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
