i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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