I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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