Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
