Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
