found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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