It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
