What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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