Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize