I cockslap morals
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
