i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
