look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
