I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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