Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
