Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
