I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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