you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
