now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
