wrigley field is MILF paradise
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
