I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
