My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
