Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
